I've been havin' the weirdest dreams lately. And you know who's in all of 'em? Jonathan Taylor Thomas. It's always the same. He's my boyfriend, he comes over one mornin' to make breakfast but the fridge is empty. So we go to the grocery store to buy waffles - he loves waffles - and Hoyt is the checkout boy. He looks so cute in that little orange smock. But he won't look at me, it's like I'm not even there. He tells Jonathan how lucky he is to have a girl like me, how he once had a girlfriend with red hair too. And then a voice comes over the loudspeaker to announce a sale in aisle twelve. Jonathan starts screamin' about how boysenberry syrup goes better with Eggos than the maple kind, and then all of a sudden, he shifts into a werewolf, just like the ones I saw the other night. He goes runnin' out the slidin' doors and Hoyt looks up at me like I only just appeared at that very moment, out of thin air. He says, hello April. And I say, my name's not April, it's Justin. And that's when I wake up. Every time.
Now I don't know what Jonathan Taylor Thomas has to do with any of this, besides the fact that I thought he looked cute in an old issue of Emily Frost's Tiger Beat Magazine that we stole from her big sister. But for some reason, it got me thinkin' about crushes. I had all sorts of 'em when I was human. But they were fun and flowery and full of notebook doodles and notes passed across the pews. Now that I'm a vampire, bein' attracted to a boy feels different. It's like a burnin' in my stomach, an insatiable itch. And even though it feels bad, like I'm breakin' some sort of law of nature, I can't help it. It's in me, down to my bone marrow.
It's kind of like that song from the musical we used to picket on the weekends, the one about all the people with AIDS. The women are tellin' each other they just wanna be themselves and for that to be okay, for that to be enough. That's how I feel. Bein' a vampire can be effin' awesome. I get to kick the shit outta werewolves, I can run fast (I mean REAL fast) and if I wanted, I could turn that little turd Summer into breakfast. And it sounds weird, but I never felt so alive in my life. But...havin' a crush on a human? Tryin' to have a relationship with a human? Sucks. Bigtime.
Maybe bein' a vampire isn't all that.